Some days things just don’t work out. Why is that? Not really bad days when everything looks bleak and it’s hard to see the sunshine but days when things just don’t go according to plan. Today was one of those days. No disasters. Just a series of slightly irritating events that are nothing on an individual basis but pile up on top of each other to result in a less than satisfactory day.
But the trouble is that things have been peculiar all week. Last weekend I was cross. I bellowed at the children when they made totally unreasonable demands of me, like asking for something to eat or whether they could watch the TV. Suspecting that I could identify the cause of my malaise, I checked my calendar. Lo and behold. Bad mood explained so all I had to do was baton down the hatches and wait for it to pass.
But it didn’t. I found myself getting disproportionately angry over the strangest things. The weather, for example. It is annoying to get drenched every time I leave the house but I do live in Yorkshire. It’s hardly surprising. I could feel myself being snappy with people, flying off the handle at the slightest provocation. And after anger comes guilt for behaving in such an uncontrolled manner and then tears which trickle down my cheeks without warning.
It’s not as if I had a bad week. This week has been packed with exciting events. On Monday I went to Leeds to indulge in some most satisfactory retail therapy. On Wednesday I went to Chelsea with a good friend and spent a fabulous day drinking champagne, spotting minor gardening celebrities and admiring flowers. This was followed by a night away in a swanky hotel. It was wonderful and I had a marvelous time. But I was still out of kilter when I got home. Then I had dinner with some friends that I hadn’t seen for ages and caught up with all the gossip. A perfect tonic one might think. Added to this my daughter received an accolade for academic achievement from the head mistress and I had my hair cut which is generally just the ticket for raising confidence, self esteem and generally lifting moods. But no. My heart remained very resolutely in my boots.
The trouble with unshakable moods is that they are unshakable. If all this could not lift my spirits then I was fresh out of ideas. I raked my brain. What could be at the root of this state of dissatisfaction? And then I had a thought. The only thing that had changed was that I hadn’t been to the gym for a bit. When I counted it up it was almost three weeks. Firstly there was the week after the paragliding when I could barely walk let alone pump iron. Then, I had a week when I did little but work and failed to make the time to go. And then this week I was getting ready to go away, was away and then was catching up after being away. No time for the gym. Could this be it? Could a lack of endorphins be taking it’s toll?
So today I went back to the gym. Will it make any difference? God I hope so. I have missed penning my perky little postings. I am worn down by shouting randomly at my children and the ensuing guilt and as two weeks of half term holiday has just begun it’s going to be pretty miserable for us all if I can’t regain my former equilibrium. So, if I don’t post anything for another week you will know that it hasn’t worked and my sparkle has gone on sabbatical. Please bear with me. Normal service will be resumed just as soon as I can muster it.